22 Feb Sit with your anger
“Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.”
Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels
Sometimes anger is just that…it’s anger. But often the feeling of anger is a distraction from what you’re really experiencing. The Anger Iceberg is a tool I often use in therapy sessions. After looking at the iceberg most people can identify the real feeling, validate it, and begin working through it. Most of the time the feeling of ANGER is really fear, disappointment, regret, grief, or guilt.
An easy illustration of this is driving in a car. Imagine someone cuts you off and you immediately react. Although it may seem like you’re reacting out of anger, your physical response describes fear. You immediately slam on the brakes (to avoid being injured) you begin to breathe rapidly and your heart races. If others were in the car with you, you quickly check on them. After a few moments, once you realize you are no longer in danger, your physical symptoms subside. Anger may come next, but the initial feeling that led to anger was fear.
If you find that your initial reaction to most situations is anger, you may need to sit with it for a while to determine what it really is. If you choose to continue calling it ANGER, you may only be treating the symptoms and not addressing the root cause. How do you know if it’s something more than anger? Your life will reflect it. The people in your life might begin to pull away because chronic anger is difficult to be around. Maybe you have a hard time experiencing satisfaction and joy. Do you feel Iike you’ve tried everything but nothing changes? You may be trying to fix the wrong “thing”. Anger is not always a bad thing. It is often the door that leads to healing. You just have to OPEN the door!