24 May Emotions are valid
“Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.”
Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels
“When we experience emotion, few of us actually respond. Most of us react— just as we did when we were children.
We haven’t been modeled to pause. To feel the emotion in the body. To sooth ourselves in order to accept (process) the emotion.
Most of us actually fear our own thoughts + our own emotions.
So, we react in knee-jerk ways. We might scream, slam things, impulsively text or call, make quick decisions without critical thought that have unintended consequences on ourselves + those we love.
We might also cope in ways that add extra layers of shame like drinking, using substances, food, avoiding responsibilities or seeking validation or love in a person incapable of giving it.
Learning how to respond to emotions is our personal responsibility.
When we learn we are fully responsible for our own emotional state (important to understand that we aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions) we can begin to take responsibility for the reactions from our emotions.
“You made me do x” “I did that because you” “If you weren’t so x I wouldn’t have to…” All of these statements many of us have heard since we were children. The clear message is: other people create my emotional state.
Wisdom is knowing that other people impact our emotional state + it is us who have choice in how we respond to that impact.”
~ Dr. Nicole LePera, Psychologist
Learned behavior in childhood can be hard to change. However, when one chooses to be aware and identify their learned behaviors, two things can happen…
1. You have new insight into your patterns and behaviors. You no longer have to question “why do I always do this?!” (The answer is this is how I was taught!)
2.The change from reacting to responding can be immediate, which means you have the power to change your behavior now.
How are you choosing to respond? With awareness and insight? Or are you reacting with anger, fear, selfishness, and pride?