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A message from Mrs. Samuels – Motivational Thursday

“Anxiety is defined as the FEAR of the UNKNOWN…”


Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

January 20, 2022

Hello and Happy Thursday.

Most people I see in my office are coming in for stress and anxiety. The causes may be different, but the symptoms are always the same. In the first session I give them a lesson on the brain. This is my favorite part of the session because I can see a physical change in them as they understand they are not “broken”, and are simply responding in a way the brain is designed to do.

Today I want to share that lesson with you.

• Anxiety is defined as the FEAR of the UNKNOWN – which is why all anxious thoughts stem from the What If scenarios in our minds.

• Because the event hasn’t happened yet, our brain does NOT have all of the information.

• The brain cannot function with an incomplete story line. So it creates its own storyline. This made up story is ALWAYS the Worst Case Scenario.

• Everyone experiences Worst Case Scenario thoughts on a daily basis. These can be very mild or severe depending on the amount of anxiety one is feeling about an event.

• These storylines are created in all areas of life: Personal and Professional.

• The brain has this strange quirk-it cannot tell the difference between an imagined experience (why sometimes dreams feel so real) and an actual lived experience. Therefore the Worst Case Scenario, according to the brain is being played out in real time.

• This is why people experience physical symptoms before the event even takes place. Rapid heart rate, increased breathing, stomach issues, sleep issues, racing thoughts, etc.

• The more you play out the Worst Case Scenario in your mind, the more the brain believes it’s happening. Game On!

• You’ve now entered Freeze, Flight, or Fight. Otherwise known as Anxiety. In this state, the logical part of the brain begins to shut down (in order to prepare for a physical fight) and the emotional part of the brain is on overdrive. This is why we say and do things that get us in trouble when we are anxious/stressed. We become “Emotional”.

The emotion of Anxiety was given to us for the sole purpose of protection. Thousands of years ago, Mike and Debbie lived in a cave. If they weren’t on high alert all the time, they risked being eaten by a saber tooth tiger. Anxiety allowed them to be aware of  threats and act in an order to make sure they were protected. They didn’t hide in their cave. They still lived their life because they had a healthy amount of anxiety.

• The above example shows a real threat-saber tooth tigers prowling around. The problem with anxiety today is it is almost always a False Alarm. Not a real threat. (Remember, the brain cannot tell the difference)

When you experience stress and anxiety ask yourself immediately.

1. Is this a False Alarm or is there a Real Threat in front of me? (if it is not actually in front of you, it’s a false alarm)

2. Am I subscribing to a Worst Case Scenario storyline? (If everything is bad in the end, it’s a worst case scenario story)

3. Ask yourself three questions: What is the worst case scenario? What is the Best Case Scenario?  What is MOST likely to Happen?

4. Asking yourself these questions provides your brain with different storylines or information.

5. Historically, Most Likely to Happen plays out 95% of the time. Go with that one.

If you tend to be an anxious/stressed out individual in general, you will need to practice this several times. You likely view most experiences through a negative lens. The brain has normalized this thought process, and will automatically be drawn to negative thinking patterns. As you do something different in times of stress, the brain will begin to build new memories and defaults. It takes time, but is 100% doable.

Everyone experiences anxiety. Everyone thinks in worst case scenario terms. Everyone believes there is a real threat. You now have all of the information and can choose to be like everyone, OR to live in the present, aware of potential danger, but not living in constant fear.

Watch out for tigers and have a great weekend!

Mrs. Samuels

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• You are the only one responsible for how you prepare and respond to stress. [1]

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

A message from Mrs. Samuels – Motivational Thursday

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

“You are the only one responsible for how you prepare and respond to stress.”


Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

January 13, 2022

Hi,

I know it’s been a while and I’ve missed our weekly chats, so today I am back and want to share a few things with you. It’s no secret that stress and tension are mounting, and I thought it’d be a good idea to talk about it before you have to start making apologies for what you said or did while STRESSED.

You are the only one responsible for how you prepare and respond to stress. Three things I want you to consider:

You are More than your Job Title.

A common indicator that a romantic relationship is struggling is when one or both partners forget who they were before they were a partner. Usually, the individual you were was what made you attractive to the other person. Your individuality allowed you to bring something of interest to the table.

This can include how you cared for yourself, hobbies, passions, values, and character. Oftentimes, people lose who they are and begin to identify only as a partner. When you stop doing the things that made you YOU, you stop bringing value to the table. This same concept can be applied to your career. When you put your whole self into your career, you stop bringing value to the table.

Think back to what your life looked like before the pandemic. What things did you do on a regular basis that you don’t do now? What did you do on your own time to bring value to what you do at work? If you find yourself leaving work only to come home and continue to do work, think about work, stress about work…you’ve lost your identity.

You are more than your title. Historically, Covid has shown up each day for almost 2 years. I promise if you take a little bit of time each day to invest in you, not only will Covid still be there, but you will be meeting it and all it brings, with something of value. You are MORE than your title.

How are you Showing Up?

At some point you sat in front of a panel of individuals with the sole purpose of convincing them you were the right fit for the job. You likely described your best qualities, (communication skills, organized, works well under pressure, effective decision making skills, leadership skills, high integrity, reliable, honest, a team player, and so on).

When you look at yourself today, yesterday, last week, are you a reflection of the person you described? How are you showing up right now? The only way to show up as the person you described, in all situations, is to remember who you were that day. If you are not taking the time to pour into yourself, you are allowing yourself to reflect a different character. You and only you are responsible for how YOU show up.

Prepare.

How do you show up? You prepare. Invest in non-working relationships. A text, a phone call, a dinner. We were created for relationships, it is what connects and rewards us. Sleep, put away your phone, silence notifications, remove anything that keeps you “alert”.

Nourish your body with healthy food, movement, and hydration. Take the time to eat a meal without looking at your phone or computer. Play with your children. Pursue your spouse or partner. Make time for your hobbies and passions. All of these things contribute to your best qualities.

How are you preparing to be a reflection of who you described some time ago? Everyone is experiencing stress right now. And when stress is high, emotions are even higher. The only way to address the stress and become less emotional, is to prepare. Prepare yourself with enough healthy things so there’s space to handle the difficult things.

I appreciate you,

Mrs. Samuels

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Feel the feelings!

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

“Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times, and feeling whatever you feel about it is okay! Feel the feelings!”


Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

GiecoAs humans we are not designed to withstand prolonged levels of stress. After hours of stress our mind and bodies begin to respond. After weeks of stress our nervous system is shot. After a year of stress we begin to operate in survival mode. This level of operation takes place in what can be referred to as the Reptilian part of the Brain. The “reptilian” part of the brain is what keeps you alive when you are an infant, before you have words to communicate your needs. Think crying, tantruming, etc. when a need is not quickly met.

So, if you are wondering why you, or those around you, are acting a fool at times…it’s the reptilian brain. When in survival mode (due to prolonged stress) humans tend to lash out easily, disagree more, ruminate in a steady state of annoyance, and view others as a bit incompetent compared to their own perceived abilities (think adult tantruming). This is the brain’s way of keeping you “safe”. Logic and reasoning begin to shut down and emotions tend to drive decisions and behaviors. This is part of being human. Congratulations and welcome to the club!

The good news, when you do go back to operating from the frontal lobe of your brain, you will likely forget how hard this was, how tired you were, how much this affected your personal life, and how quickly you became agitated with others. In fact, you will likely volunteer to be a part of the next pandemic…not asking for another one just making a point.

So, it’s okay to be frustrated, it’s okay for relationships to be strained, it’s okay to feel all the feelings and not punish yourself for doing so. It’s temporary and you’re basically a lizard at this point.

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Emotions are valid

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

“Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.”

@the.holistic.psychologist


Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

Little boy crying“When we experience emotion, few of us actually respond. Most of us react— just as we did when we were children.

We haven’t been modeled to pause. To feel the emotion in the body. To sooth ourselves in order to accept (process) the emotion.

Most of us actually fear our own thoughts + our own emotions.

So, we react in knee-jerk ways. We might scream, slam things, impulsively text or call, make quick decisions without critical thought that have unintended consequences on ourselves + those we love.

We might also cope in ways that add extra layers of shame like drinking, using substances, food, avoiding responsibilities or seeking validation or love in a person incapable of giving it.

Learning how to respond to emotions is our personal responsibility.

When we learn we are fully responsible for our own emotional state (important to understand that we aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions) we can begin to take responsibility for the reactions from our emotions.

“You made me do x” “I did that because you” “If you weren’t so x I wouldn’t have to…” All of these statements many of us have heard since we were children. The clear message is: other people create my emotional state.

Wisdom is knowing that other people impact our emotional state + it is us who have choice in how we respond to that impact.”

~ Dr. Nicole LePera, Psychologist

Learned behavior in childhood can be hard to change. However, when one chooses to be aware and identify their learned behaviors, two things can happen…

Smiling boy in Centre Commercial Bab Ezzouar, Bab Ezzouar, Algeria
1. You have new insight into your patterns and behaviors. You no longer have to question “why do I always do this?!” (The answer is this is how I was taught!)

2.The change from reacting to responding can be immediate, which means you have the power to change your behavior now.

How are you choosing to respond? With awareness and insight? Or are you reacting with anger, fear, selfishness, and pride?

 

 


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Talking about grief

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

I’d like to talk about grief, and why when you see me it could be awkward.

They teach us to be tough. They teach us to shrug it off. They teach us to not show emotions. They teach us to just keep trucking. What they don’t teach us is how to be vulnerable, and how to communicate with other people when they are going through a difficult time. Below is a letter which was written by a member of our fire department who recently suffered a tremendous loss. This is a good read and I appreciate him going out of his comfort zone and sharing this.


I’d like to talk about grief, and why when you see me it could be awkward.

Oh crap, there’s an elephant in the room… What do you say? Anything? You don’t want to upset me. Maybe I don’t want to talk about it. If you don’t say something, will I think you don’t care or you’re an a-hole?

I’m not the first, nor will I be the last and just because I’m grieving at the moment, I am not trying to claim to be an expert, but let me tell you about my experience with grief prior to this…

Last month I worked with a member that had recently experienced some grief. I was prepared to say something, but chose not to because I was worried I might upset them or make them talk about something they didn’t want to talk about. As a supervisor and a member of the peer support team, I’ve received training to look for indications of grief. All shift I was looking for a sign that I needed to intervene and let them know they could talk to me or that I was so sorry for their loss, but the moment didn’t present itself. I truly cared, I wanted to say something, but it seemed like they were having a “good day” and I didn’t want to ruin that, so I said nothing.

I thought about that shift for days, and why I didn’t say anything. I already explained how I justified my actions. However, with more self-analysis, I didn’t offer support when I should have, mostly because it was super awkward for me. What do you say to someone that suffers a major loss, that’s grieving? Surely, somehow I would have said the wrong thing. I didn’t know how to address it, so I avoided it.

Sadly this wasn’t even the first time I’ve missed on opportunity to be direct with my support for a member that was grieving. It’s ironic that when our brothers and sisters need us the most, it’s the hardest to talk to them.

I am a private person away from work. I am lucky in the sense that I have not needed much logistically to navigate my situation. Regardless, I have received a ton of support and condolences. “Whatever you need, please let us know, we are here for you”. I’ve said the same thing to others. It’s very different when you are on the receiving end and it’s different saying it in-person vs a text or the phone. I specifically asked that people do not call me, because talking about it feels different and I don’t last long before I get emotional.

So how do we support our members that are grieving or have experienced a great loss?

Everyone’s grief process will be unique, but there are some commonalities. Just let them know you care and reach out occasionally. They may need more contact or more space, but don’t be afraid to bring it up. You are not going to make them start thinking about something when they were probably already thinking about it. Regardless, it usually helps them to talk about it. They know when they don’t want to talk about it and if that’s the case, they’ll tell you. Ultimately, support can be just physically being there. They’ll talk when they want to.

When do I say something?

If an announcement is made about a member experiencing a tragedy maybe we shouldn’t all rush them at once, but other than that it’s a safe bet that the next time you see them, let them know you care.

What do I say?

When someone tells me they don’t know what to say or there are no words to describe how sorry they are…. I completely understand, I’ve said and felt those same things. In my personal experience, I can say that it turns out that no words would make a difference. Merely letting people know you care is hugely supportive. Offering support and just checking in from time to time is hugely supportive.

Lastly, consider that people can feel loss over all sorts of things, what’s small to someone could be huge to someone else. Sometimes this job requires us to be tough, but sometimes it requires us to be kind, and sometimes that means being kind to each other or even ourselves.

Again I want to say “thank you” for those who go out of their way to make things better for all of us.


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

“Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

“Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

“This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

Motivational Signage that says Motivational Change = I can’t do it until I feel like it. I won’t feel like it until the circumstances are ideal. The circumstances won’t be ideal until everyone involved does what I need/expect them to do. Or the circumstances won’t be ideal until I have the time, the resources, the confidence, or support from others.

Behavioral Change = Action = More Action

If you find yourself waiting to make a much-needed change, but are waiting on the motivation to do so, you might be waiting a really long time. We are experts at putting things off, especially the things that can be of most value to ourselves and our relationships.

For Example:

I will start taking care of my physical health when my work stress is more manageable. (Poor physical health INCREASES work stress!)


I will start treating my spouse/partner with more respect and understanding when they do the same. (If you and your partner are in an unhealthy cycle, SOMEONE has to make the first move to break the cycle.)


I will be a more patient parent when my kids have earned my patience and grace. (You will most likely be waiting forever. Show them what patience and grace looks like even if they don’t “deserve it”)


I will have the motivation to work harder and excel at my job once my coworkers realize how important I am. (Don’t wait for someone else’s approval to determine your abilities.)


I will allow myself to grieve disappointments, failures, hurts, traumas, and loss when I feel confident my emotions won’t affect my work, relationships, or others. (NOT grieving IS affecting your work, relationships, and others.)


I will treat myself better with thoughts, words, and actions WHEN I deserve it. (YOU ALWAYS DESERVE IT. If this is something you struggle with, SO many do, consider how you would talk to a close friend. Would you use degrading words? No, you wouldn’t. You deserve the same treatment.)


I will seek out the help I need when _____ gets too much for me to handle. (Working through personal issues are a lot easier when we haven’t imploded everything around us. Waiting until I can’t handle it anymore is saying once everything is destroyed I will try and figure it out.)


Motivated person standing on a mountain top at sunsetIf you can relate to any of the above, or you can think of other changes that need to be made, DON’T wait for the motivation to do so. Make the first move, behavioral change doesn’t wait for ideals. One small behavior change leads to many behavior changes. Stop waiting for the right time.

I know a lot of people fear change, in fact, we confuse comfortability for safety. Change is the desired outcome, the TRANSITION to change is what is uncomfortable. The good news…transitions are short. Stop waiting, start DOING!

What is the next right thing?

Have a great weekend!

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

“Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

“Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

“This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

“Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Not winning

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

“Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch!”


Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

Pug sitting on a sofaHi friends,

If your dog didn’t chew up your couch today, you are winning. If we are using chewed up couches as a measure of success…Mr. Samuels, you are losing.

How do you measure success? Is your success defined by other people’s opinions? Is it defined by your bank account or job title? Your relationship status? How many people know your name? The weight your decisions hold? Your happiness?

Any of these are valid ways to measure success. However, the hard thing with success is people tend to see success as a future accomplishment. They rarely acknowledge the right “here and now”. They consider the struggle, the failed attempts, the “careless” risks as unsuccessful. I encourage you to stop what you are doing right now and name 5 things you are winning at. These don’t have to be major life defining accomplishments, but more importantly the small things that will get you to the life defining accomplishments. If you’re struggling to find 5 let me help you.

1. Did you get up and move your body or push snooze and enjoy a few more minutes of peace…winning.


2. Did you make a healthy breakfast or grab an extra-large coffee and pop tart…winning. (I love pop tarts)


3. Did you listen to calming music on the way to work or took a conference call…winning.


4. Did you make your bed or leave it a mess…winning. (Although I encourage you to make your bed, it’s scientifically proven to improve your mood)


5. Did you say good morning to someone and genuinely mean it…winning. (Is this something you still need to do?)

Don’t discount the small things. Celebrate your accomplishments every day, no matter how small they are. The world is really good at telling you how unsuccessful you are…DON’T believe it. And for those of you going home tonight to a perfectly intact couch…you are definitely winning!

I will be celebrating your success today, don’t make me celebrate alone!

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Feel the feelings!

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

“Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times, and feeling whatever you feel about it is okay! Feel the feelings!”


Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

GiecoAs humans we are not designed to withstand prolonged levels of stress. After hours of stress our mind and bodies begin to respond. After weeks of stress our nervous system is shot. After a year of stress we begin to operate in survival mode. This level of operation takes place in what can be referred to as the Reptilian part of the Brain. The “reptilian” part of the brain is what keeps you alive when you are an infant, before you have words to communicate your needs. Think crying, tantruming, etc. when a need is not quickly met.

So, if you are wondering why you, or those around you, are acting a fool at times…it’s the reptilian brain. When in survival mode (due to prolonged stress) humans tend to lash out easily, disagree more, ruminate in a steady state of annoyance, and view others as a bit incompetent compared to their own perceived abilities (think adult tantruming). This is the brain’s way of keeping you “safe”. Logic and reasoning begin to shut down and emotions tend to drive decisions and behaviors. This is part of being human. Congratulations and welcome to the club!

The good news, when you do go back to operating from the frontal lobe of your brain, you will likely forget how hard this was, how tired you were, how much this affected your personal life, and how quickly you became agitated with others. In fact, you will likely volunteer to be a part of the next pandemic…not asking for another one just making a point.

So, it’s okay to be frustrated, it’s okay for relationships to be strained, it’s okay to feel all the feelings and not punish yourself for doing so. It’s temporary and you’re basically a lizard at this point.

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Feed the Good wolf!

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

Beautiful wolf in the forestThere is an old Native American parable about the “Good” and the “Bad” Wolf. A grandfather tells his grandson that there is a battle between the two wolves inside of us all.

The “bad” wolf is filled with feelings of anger, resentment, pride, greed, and self-pity, whereas the “good” wolf is filled with kindness, empathy, humility, and compassion. When the grandson asks which wolf “wins,” the grandfather replies, “the one that you feed.”

When life is in a constant state of busyness and stress, we tend to lose balance. When we are off balance, we begin to make decisions, unintentionally, that feed the “bad” wolf. We allow negative thinking, pride, anger, and anxiety to dictate our realities. We get stuck in the cycle of focusing on what (or who) we cannot control.

As the “bad” wolf is fed, he continues to grow and shows up in our lives, likely wreaking havoc on our relationships, our ability to perform well in our careers, and the compassion we have for ourselves and others.

When things get hard, which wolf do you feed?

Do you take a step back and rebalance?  Or do you give in to the cycle and allow the “bad” wolf to feast?

Rebalancing simply means returning to what was the last thing that worked well for you. What was the last thing you could control? Was it your attitude? Making self-care a priority? Distancing yourself from unhealthy habits or people? Asking for help?

Which wolf have you been feeding? Do you need to make a change?

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]


Return to the Nevada Resilience Project Homepage [12]

Not everything is about you

Posted By MkristinA On In Nevada Resilience Project,Motivation Thursdays | Comments Disabled

“This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).”


Motivation Thursdays with Mrs. Samuels

When we as people read or hear things, we feel as if it pertains directly to us. We begin to internalize these thoughts and start to dwell on the content. This is selfish of humans, not everything is about you. Over the last 10 months my wife has periodically written motivational letters and I tend to believe I was not the subject of the topics. But last week she wrote me a “note” and placed in my lunchbox, of which I will share. After you read it you may feel that over the last year, “motivational Thursday” was based on my actions at home. I am not going to agree with you!

“Have a wonderful week. I Love You. Don’t be a jerk. People are counting on you. I Love You. XOXO”

Have an amazing weekend once it arrives.

Amanda Samuels, LMFT


Other Motivation Thursdays Articles by Mrs. Samuels

• 5 Habits That High Achievers Should Break [2]

• “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” [3]

• “Sit with your anger long enough until it tells you its real name.” [4]

• “Stay in your lane… if you want to come into mine, please signal your intentions.” [5]

• “This is from Billy, not Amanda (Full Disclosure).” [6]

• Feed the Good Wolf! [7]

• Survival Mode is part of what we go through in this life at times [8]

• Not winning, especially if this is how the news is broken to you about your couch! [9]

• Motivational Change vs. Behavioral Change [10]

• “Your emotions are valid, your reaction to your emotions might not be.” [11]

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